2013 – a year of survival and shattered dreams.
I watched 2013 in with indifference – compared to standing on Westminster Bridge to see in the previous year, it was a silent passing. The IT Demigod had left me a week before, and there was a daunting task of the legal processes to split the shared flat, from a tenancy and financial perspective. So on top of the more serious side of coursework and exams that took place over the end of the 2012-13 academic year, there was a constant need to pursue and correct the lettings agency’s automated payment system.
I burnt out by June, having seen through a tough set of coursework assignments and 6 months of lettings agency correspondence, I spent the last few days in the city just walking out of it to the nearby woodland areas. Just simply getting out to somewhere quiet, without screeching seagulls and endless traffic noise. I returned home and for 3 weeks did gardening and what I wanted to do. I had no plans to do anything else for that month, as July brought on far more important priorities – work placements.
The large city brought with it a dreamy yet brief glimmer of the good life. A secured job, great people to work with and great weather. It was for the briefest of moments I met a medical student on the Pride Day. Someone who immediately had a connection with me and spent the entire day around either the festival, or finding somewhere to eat or grab a drink. It was a perfect day; the banner above a lasting reminder.
So it was back to the grindstone with university for the kick-off of my second year. A lot changed, some for the better, some for the worse. The workload was something of a tidal wave of deadlines, making it crystal clear the “school” from which my degree is managed doesn’t have particularly reliable communication within its staff. The result of this, and a delayed issuing of coursework, that 1 student deferred and many of the group requested a deadline extension, much to the lecturer’s dismay. Had he given us the coursework when originally stated, all this trouble and aggravation would have been avoided. 3 months flashed by at a furious pace. All the while, my love life faded in and out of hopeful possibilities, mistakes and betrayal. If it were not for my friends, a select bunch of the finest geeks, gays and generally good eggs, it would have been too much to handle. I have a lot to be thankful for in the support they gave me. I hope I can return those gestures some day soon.
I will never forgive The Tiger for what he did. It brought about a heaviness on what should have been a relaxing holiday, preparing for the term ahead, but it wasn’t – it was a quest of solace. To find quiet in my mind and in my life from what had just happened. Unfortunately our paths will meet again – we operate out of the same buildings on campus, take similar routes in. I hope one day his realisation of what he has done will trigger guilt and the onset of regret. I know it has for me; for all of our differences, human beings aren’t all that different when making mistakes or deliberately lying.
So here we are for 2014. Other than returning to the gym for heavy handed fitness, I have no resolutions. For a year I fought to do what was right in my life, and got hit back by all manner of ill fortune. There are good times to be remembered, but not nearly enough. I know I’ll have trust issues to deal with this year. High pressure collaborative projects, and towards the final season, my business placement kicks off.
There are many challenges both physical and mental that must be cleared this year in order to carry on. I hope I can find the support to see it through.