In 3 weeks’ time I travel north to visit the Lost Scot. After 4 long years, sleepless nights, fleeting phone calls and unreturned voicemails, the stage is being set for a sit down and talk, face to face to settle this struggle of hearts torn apart; to either renew something lost in that storm that seems like an eternity ago, or to finally heal old wounds, say good-bye, and leave it all to disappear into memory.
This guy has such a grasp on my life. His face and mannerisms are seen in people I meet, I go to hold a hand that isn’t there when driving long distance, wanting him to be there by my side. So far he has been the brightest star in my night sky, and no one had come close to providing that strength, that longing of a bond. Everything felt like it meant something to him; it all felt right.
Now, with actions underway, and dawning on the 4th anniversary of this connection, I intend to make things right.
People have told me – warned me even – that it won’t go right, that it will make me miss him even more. Only a couple know the full story, and when I tell them, they know this is an itch I cannot scratch in my present situation or location. One day, maybe when the world is more open to people’s struggles, and when I find more time, I’ll commit this to a short story, a film transcript perhaps. Either to remind myself of this point in life this… 20th of an average life, or to help others in a similar position. It takes courage and bravery to see past these hurdles and to revisit old faces long forgotten.
It is time to close this chapter and complete this long and painful journey.