Treading water.

So heading north did not happen. The Lost Scot remains a wound unhealed, but out of the week and a half I’ve taken out of placement to have a break and resolve such matters, not all is doom and gloom.

Off the bat I headed back to university to settle training matters and see old friends, both closely tied to the student radio. It was a good weekend, a memorable one indeed especially with the sudden and very welcome accompaniment of a distant heart throb. You may recall this guy from Summer 2013 – now studying for his LLB at the same university, we had kept somewhat loose contact over the past 2 years, with more recently a touch on a “what if we did get closer” conversation. Maybe this is what he needed – a glimpse of who I can be when close to someone, opposed the powerful, overbearing demeanour I tend to portray instead in everyday life to assert some level of authority / direction for others. It was welcome for me, probably more than he’ll ever realise – cuddling up to someone who is not only great for it in return, but an accomplished kisser – is more than enough for me to melt away those instinctive defences. For the shortest of nights, I felt like a half of a whole again.

The rest of the weekend was spent with the radio – covering production for 2 sports events, training from my successor and, now, predecessor. It’s been a hell of year for them – everything that could have happened, no matter how slight the possibility, happened. From a complete emptying of the studio with unknown locations for equipment afterwards, to power surges taking out equipment, they remained steadfast. Not only that, but they made headway in what is possibly to be cornerstones of how the radio will run from now on; services and partnerships worth more than any sum of money. My hope, even though without coming across as arrogant, that I lay foundations for some of these partnerships to occur, that I can carry on and improve them as they would like. I have 1 more year to prove my worth to the radio, after which I will simply became a name in the history books.

So it was, with training under-belt, I headed home 3 months after my last visit, to a more settled mother and improved relationship with brother. While New Years left matters in a rugged state – my mother being no exception (I literally left her in tears on returning to placement follow the long talk with her and my brother).  A simple but work-burdened list was on for the week. Fix the internet connection, paint some outer-facing walls, clean the patio, and dinner with brother and his partner. The first on the list was a challenge unto itself, however not being with certain telephone and Internet providers makes for a much quicker moving beast that is the managing operator of the phone network. So 2 days later the phone line was duly “fixed”, filters were removed from the internal network, and for the briefest of moments, the Internet was fixed. Subsequently at the time of writing, a storm has piled through the local area and taken out something between the house and the exchange; if anything, not a lost cause, but at least both providers and network operator are well aware of the problems faced, and are about to face this week with recovering the now damaged phone line. Odd isn’t it – it’s 2015 – where are the promised under-road cables, fibre optics and nationwide 4G that were seen to succeed such archaism, even 15 years ago? Laziness is all I can surmise. With painting and patio accomplished I looked to pâté and ‘pollo e spinaci’. Dinner with brother was a much needed continuation was what was accomplished in January – a return to a relationship rather than feuding over lost and (literally) dead arguments, gone with relatives now passed away. It was good to see from his own perspective rather than 3rd hand where he was taking his life, either way he appears to have settled with staying country-bound over moving away to warmer and sunnier shores.

So it was I returned back to placement, or at least will be tomorrow. Alas after months of planning and dropping ideas from a 3rd party, the Lost Scot made for the somewhat surprisingly spontaneous plan of visiting his distant partner on foreign shores, much to the surprise for the 3rd party and me – having booked hotels and car hire accordingly, all was cancelled swiftly and revised (thankfully without penalty). The plan remains to be attempted again in the summer, with a far more direct approach. I still intend to close this chapter, and say my farewells. For his sake and my own, I don’t wish to burden his life any longer, nor my own. I owe it to both of us to just finish this and move on with life. I only hope it’s not a continual case of proposed and cancelled opportunities to meet.

Placement and my future here are now the forefront battles to be won – the company has been tight-lipped on how to proceed, regardless of my appraisals and propositions. All sound ideas, but I need feedback on all of them – I need to know foremost, where my future will take me in 3 months’ time, so as to avoid tenancy problems with my current residence. I then need to see how financially viable (or flexible) my final year at university is, with the possibility of part time consultancy with them. Finally there is the question of continued employment following graduation in summer of next year. All must be answered, but I need to have a suitable pitch with which to lead for all 3. In my mind it works soundly on all accounts. However, I need to sell it to them as a viable course of action. All will be settled in the next couple of weeks. I hope it turns out for the best.

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~ by minotaur41 on 2015/03/30.

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